Pressure to be Perfect
by YouSentMeFlying
Summary: She was suffocating; dying in her own body because of these ignorant bullies that didn't know when to stop.


**I wrote this weeks ago and was planning on posting it then but I forgot about it. D: I didn't write it for the sake of myself or to get reviews like everyone else, or blah blah blah. I mainly wrote this to get a point across to everyone out there. Both bullying and teen suicide has been at an all-time high these last few years and it's so devastating to hear about. Being a victim of cyberbullying and bullying offscreen, I know how much it can really hurt. The ones putting pressure on the victims have no idea that what they say can actually hurt someone; make them consider that being dead would be much easier than dealing with their bullshit. I've spoken to many, many people about cyberbullying; most of them saying that it's just the words, and people are being idiots. This, I find to be very offensive. They've never experienced the hurt of cyberbullying themselves so they have no reason to say that it's not a big deal. Any type of bullying is wrong, illegal, and shouldn't be done no matter the reason. The other day, someone told me to kill myself for being a little different. Sure, it hurt and I took it into consideration, but I obviously didn't do anything. The next day I found out she was joking about it. That clearly tells me that she's too stupid to know, even if you're messing around, never tell someone to kill themselves because they might just do it.**

**I think I've rambled on enough here...I don't even really know what my point was in that but whatever. =P**

**It's just a first draft since I'm way too lazy to edit today; I'm also working on another one shot and upcoming fanfic...but here you go anyway.**

The sun shone through the clouds brightly, nearly blinding Degrassi's newspaper editor, Katie Matlin when she looked up into the sky. It was her first day back to school after having three short months off for the summer. It was finally her senior year and she couldn't wait until she got out of this place.

Katie was running for student council president this year, in hopes of making Degrassi a violent-free year. Having two deadly weapons pulled at two different huge school sanctioned events in just one year was ridiculous, and she was going to put a stop to all of that. If she was elected, of course, but why wouldn't she be? The entire school knew her name.

She suddenly felt something knock into the back of her forcefully, bringing her down onto the sidewalk that led up to the front entrance of the school.

With a loud groan, Katie lay flat on the sideway, her school supplies scattered all over the ground while she felt someone lying on top of her. "Get off of me!" she demanded. It seemed like she was always getting hurt in some kind of way when she was at school. That must really mean that Degrassi was either haunted or just filled with back luck.

The grade eleven boy quickly pushed himself off of Katie, collecting his books and skateboard as he stood up straight. He laughed nervously, "thanks for breaking my fall! Your back is very comfortable." Katie turned herself over before grabbing her bag and the few things she dropped when she was being lunged to the blacktop.

Looking up at the boy in the red polo, she finally arose to her feet again. "Sorry…I lost control of my skateboard. Must've rolled over a small stone or something." He apologized once he saw the anger in her eyes.

Katie looked him over as he stood there in front of her. His name was Adam Torres. She knew him from when she guested on his radio show, _Mano-a-Mano _last year. She's only had a total of four conversations with him but she was a huge fan of his and Dave's show. But he looked different this year. He had let his hair grow out a bit longer so it was curled up behind his ears. She couldn't help but casually glance down at his chest which was perfectly flat. Whatever he did over the summer to change that, it was definitely working for him.

"That's okay," she smiled. "Just make sure I'm nowhere around you next time you're on your skateboard."

"Oh, of course." He smiled back at her, his light blue eyes glowing under the bright sunlight. _Katie Matlin. _He's had the biggest crush on her since last semester but he never knew exactly what to say to her unless it was about the radio show project that she was a part of last year. "Hey, do you want to get some coffee…maybe a slice or two of apple pie at the Dot after school?" he asked her quietly. "If you're not too busy with newspaper duties…"

"I'm free this entire first week…damn, except I have to make posters for my campaign by Friday. But I'd love to, Adam." She smiled, her whole body tensing up as she answered. She's been waiting for Adam to ask her out for so long! But this was a date, wasn't it?

They shared an awkward moment of silence, both of them staring at each other trying to figure out what to say next. Finally, Adam decided to speak up, "I'm going to be late for my first class so I should go. See you at four," he smiled slightly, disappearing up the front steps of Degrassi where he would have to be searched by security guards before getting to actually step foot into the school.

Both he and Katie would have thought Simpson could take the summer to cool off; maybe start trusting the students a little more. It wasn't even a Degrassi student who brought the gun to prom in the first place so he didn't have a reason to punish all of them for doing nothing.

As Adam walked down the hall slowly with Eli by his side, he couldn't stop thinking about his date with Katie after school. Though, he was unsure if they both agreed to the same thing – she probably thought they were hanging out as friends whereas that's not what Adam meant when he asked her out.

"Adam," Eli said for the third time in a row. Finally, it snapped Adam out of whatever world he had himself in. "You alright, dude?"

"Yeah…just tired." He lied. "Drew was talking in his sleep all night again. Anyway, what were you asking?"

"I wanted to know your opinion on Imogen…"

"Oh," Adam began. To be honest, Adam really missed him, Clare and Eli all hanging out together like they used to. Since he and Eli were a year apart and Adam had a few of the same classes with Clare, he spent a lot of his time with her. Not that it was a bad thing, but it was like he never saw his best friend any more. "She's…cute? Dude, if you like her, just ask her out already."

Eli shook his head. They haven't talked all summer and it seemed like Adam was a little distracted today; like he didn't want anything to do with Eli at the moment.

Dave approached the two, patting Adam on the back. "Adam, my man. Ready to plan the season two premiere of _Mano-a-Mano_?" he smiled, nodding up at Eli who had begun to walk away from his best friend. It seemed like Adam had a lot on his mind and he was pretty busy with his radio show so he wasn't going to get in his way. "I came up with some really great stuff over break. Had some help with my girl, if you know what I mean." He told him, nudging his arm against Adam's.

"Ahh. Alli Bhandari, how that girl can put up with you for longer than five minutes, I will never know."

"Very funny."

Katie sat at a table in the corner of the Dot right next to the window so she could watch out for Adam. She had only been sitting here for a few minutes working on her campaign but she had a feeling that Adam wasn't going to show up. But she was pretty optimistic when it came down to the thought of having a guy actually like her.

But how in the hell could someone ever be attracted to her? She's never figured it out…she found herself to be hideously ugly, she had an annoying high-pitched voice, and her body was repulsive. She hated how she always had to wear overly large sweaters and scarves to hide her obviously huge stomach.

The ball at the entrance rang annoyingly loud, catching her attention. As she glanced up at the door, there was Adam standing inches away from her. So he decided to show up after all. "Hey," she spoke up once he took a seat across from her. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to show."

"Well, I'm here." He smiled, flagging down Mark Fitzgerald who was recently moved up from dish pig to waiter. "Hello, Fitz." He smiled. "How's Bible study working out?"

Fitz sighed heavily. Ever since he told Clare that he had found God, all of her friends would harass him at his place of work. "What can I get you, Adam?"

"Two lattes and a slice of your delicious apple pie, please." He told him smugly, his hands folded on the table in front of him. Fitz rolled his eyes at Adam and left to make the order. It really sucked that the Dot had few employees and he had to do the work of two when he's only getting paid five an hour.

"Guy you know?"

"Yeah, it's just Fitz."

"That guy who pulled a knife on that Goldsworthy kid at Vegas Night?" she asked him shockingly. "So anyway, how is the show coming along?"

"Great. Dave and I were just planning today and we have some funny stuff coming up."

Katie smiled in response before sliding her campaign cards into her school bag. After she left here, she had to finish those and work on her résumé to get re-hired for the newspaper. She also had homework in six different classes already that was due tomorrow…one of them being Français; she really couldn't wait until graduation. Katie Matlin was the hardest working student at Degrassi – she was the biggest over-worker at the school too. It was a huge surprise to her that she hadn't gotten seriously sick since she's been working hard without one break her entire life.

Soon after he took the orders, Fitz returned to the table, juggling a plate with a slice of pie on top of the two lattes. "Here you go," he told them once he placed everything down on the table before he left again to take an order at the table over.

Adam picked up the fork that was on the plate and stuck the end of the pie with it, forking it into his mouth. When he bit down, the juices from the apples squirted over his tongue, a cinnamon flavour lacing his taste buds shortly after. "Mmm. You have to try this." he chewed slower, savouring the delicious taste before sliding the plate off to Katie.

Her heart began to pound heavily and she suddenly felt like she was in panic. "There's only one fork…it's okay, I'm not hungry." She was completely blowing this date. After today, whatever chance they had together would be gone because she had to be so self-conscious about her body.

"Here," Adam pulled the fork out of his mouth and held it out for her. She was beginning to act different; she didn't seem to be herself at the moment and Adam was really starting to worry about her. "My mouth is clean, use this. Just one bite should do you justice."

"Alright." She sighed in defeat, taking the fork from Adam's small, female-like hand. All that time she spent skipping meals and hiding food and she was going to ruin it with the first slice of apple pie she saw? Unacceptable.

She placed the fork in her mouth, biting off the small piece of crust when she chewed on it slowly, pretending to enjoy it. "You're right, that's good." she lied, putting the fork back down on the plate. "Hey, I'm going to go use the restroom real quick."

"Going to re-apply some liner?" Adam winked. "Okay, but just remember that you look better without it." Not that he would ever know that, of course. But he preferred girls who didn't spend hours getting ready. To him, it didn't matter what girls wore or did to change their looks. He would much rather date a girl who didn't wear any makeup at all, had her hair up in a messy ponytail, and wore gray sweats anywhere instead of someone who altered her looks to feel beautiful.

Katie faked a smile before standing up from her chair to escape to the restroom. She's never felt like she needed to do this before but if she wanted to impress Adam with her body, it was her only option.

_Desperate times call for desperate purging. _

Pushing open the last stall door, she walked in and knelt down on the floor in front of the toilet. Something smelt strongly of fish and bleach which began to make her stomach feel a bit queasy. She wasn't going to fight the feeling, though.

Pulling her hair back out of her face, she leaned over and raised her hand slowly. Even though the smell was making her feel pretty bad already, she needed to help it along.

Katie placed her finger down her throat, her long nail tickling and putting pressure down on her glands. A pool of water, stomach acid, and the small amount of crust she ate came flowing down into the water below her, burning her throat on the way up.

She never wanted the _pressure to be perfect _to hurt her so badly. Society has really gotten to her terribly this past year. Even though she knew how she looked wasn't at all her fault, she still believed what everyone would tell her; the things they would tell her to try and put her down hurt her so badly. Those people never knew how much their words hurt her mentally and physically. Because of today's generation, she was forced to do this to herself.

Even though she would blow them off, she did have feelings…like all people did. All of those rude comments that just one person would tell her affected her in this terrible way; they would never know how much a simple sentence could drive her into doing this to herself but what did they care anyway? It seemed like all they cared about was sounding and looking cool. They may think that if what they say to Katie would actually mean something to her then she was a wimp. Well, call her a wimp all you want but there were many times she felt like ending her life because of this.

The words _ugly, stupid, fat, worthless, waste of space, cunt, annoying, whore; _hurt her more than any other pain she had ever faced in her life.

She really wished she didn't care what people said about her, or the names they called her. But what else was she supposed to believe when these people kept on feeding these words to her?

She was suffocating; dying in her own body because of these ignorant bullies didn't know when to stop.

The thing is, you never know how much words can hurt someone until it happens to you…


End file.
